An open letter to bike thieves

Brooklyn, 24 April 2018

Dear Bike Thieves,

It’s us again. You know, VanMoof — the people that make those snazzy bikes you’ve been dying to use your bolt-cutters on for a while now.

Things have always been difficult between us. Maybe it was even our fault, what with us continually jeopardizing your careers, and sending Bike Hunters all over the world to track down stolen bikes. Our bad.

But we don’t hate you. We know that stealing bikes is a tough gig to begin with. What with all the unpaid overtime, antisocial coworkers, and sleepless nights wondering if you’re a terrible person, it can’t be easy.

In fact, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you. At VanMoof, we’ve always refused to accept bike theft as a fact of life — you’ve pushed us to make our bikes tougher and smarter, ready to outwit whatever the city throws at them.

Now, we’re taking that a step further with the Smart S and Smart X. That’s right, our new bikes can look after themselves. They’ve got attitude to spare, with rider recognition, location tracking, and a three-stage theft defense system specifically designed to give thieves nightmares.

Manage to get past all that? Then the bike automatically switches into lockdown mode and our Bike Hunters zero in on its location. Trust us, you really, really don’t want this to happen.

So, thieves, consider this a friendly invitation to throw in the towel. You’ve given it a good shot, but everyone should know when to call it quits.

It’s nothing personal.

Well, maybe it is. A little bit.

All our love,

P.S. Reconsidering your career choices? Thinking of switching to the light side? We’re looking for bike doctors and VanMoof ambassadors for our new Brand Stores in London, Paris, New York, San Francisco, and Tokyo. It’s the perfect opportunity to put your mechanical ‘know-how’ to good use. For once.